Acceptance: Stage 5

After suffering through the previous four stages I am at last at the end. Having come to grips with mans mortality, I've decided that it is time to accept things as they are and not assign undue blame to anyone. The Lord gives and takes and who are we to question when and how? My brother told me that everything evens out through death, that eventually everything will make sense. I guess I'm only just beginning to understand what my purpose is, and I will likely not fully understand until I have crossed the veil and enter eternity. When you read this post, think about a loved one that you lost, and you may find that the reason you no longer grieve their loss is because you discovered that they aren't really lost. They really have been found.

Depression : Stage 4

I didn't think I would really suffer through this stage, and if I hadn't had 3 vaccinations the day before I might still be stuck on stage 3. From having two flu vaccines and a tetness shot I woke up this morning shaky, nauseous, sore, and with a splitting headache. As I lay in my bed, shivering despite more than adequate insulation, my mouth hanging open, I realized just how similar my plight was to that of my fathers. Except that I knew I would get better, and I still have my mind. He has neither. I lay there thinking about how he must be feeling, perhaps only down in the very core of his being, and I was moved with empathy. And with my empathy came the bitter taste of depression at acknowledging my fathers mortality. In the case of depression, the best way to get through it is to have a rock, an anchor. Be it a person or an ideal, you need to have a sturdy element with which to whether the storm. Stay tuned my faithful readers for the eventual conclusion to this 5 part series.

Bargaining: Stage 3

Finally, the anger subsides and reality starts to creep from behind the turbulent clouds of the now ebbing storm of emotions. Your thoughts begin to invent what-if scenario after scenario of how things could have been avoided or averted. If only you had known sooner, if you had seen a specialist, and many other like stories dance through your imagination. These daydreams of a better life are only an escape measure from reality, though, so don't dwell on them. This is the shortest lived stage for most people, in part because you know that your fantasies aren't helping anyone and time is just passing you by. It is my belief that not everyone experiences these stages exactly the same way, perhaps even skipping or repeating a stage or stages. In any case I sympathize with those who suffer the next stage.

Anger: Stage 2

Following close behind Denial, we have Anger.It occurs when when the deflecting barrier of Denial and Isolation wears out and the first bits of reality begin to permeate soul and body. In a frantic effort to expel the invading truth we vent. Yelling, pacing, and perhaps even violent behavior can be expected. This torrent of anger may be directed at almost anything, animate or inanimate whether it is the offending element or not. In the case of loosing a loved one, you may even direct your anger at the one you are losing or have lost. As time passes you know and remember that you love them, but you blame them for being weak, perhaps even going as far as to wish that you had never known them so you wouldn't have to suffer so. Knowing that what or who you are focusing your anger on is blameless only makes you more angry. The only way to get past this stage is to let it out. Try to vent your anger in the least destructive way possible. Screaming into a pillow and then punching it a few times is a personal favorite of mine. It sure beats letting it fester inside you and destroy your appearance and mood. After you have expunged the anger from yourself, feel free to lay on your bed and stare up at the ceiling and move on to the next step. The most important thing to remember is not to repress your anger, you just need a constructive outlet. Or at least one that will not be overly destructive.

Denial: Not a River in Egypt

Stage 1 of the 5 stages in dealing with grief or loss. Ironically, many if not most people in this stage are in denial of the fact that they are. Funny how out of reflex, when we are faced with a problem, we first pretend that it doesn't exist or that it will simply go away. I know that I did when I found out about a tragedy that would inevitably befall my family. I didn't believe it, ignored it, attempted to outsmart it, but there was no beating it. Life would play out like it was meant to and there was no way I could change it. All that being said, I know it doesn't sound like the way to go, but in all likely hood you'll end up there anyway. Just be sure that when you do, that you get a move on quick, because ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. Things will only get worse during your time in dream land.

How To Lose Friends And Alienate People

A phrase the children are indoctrinated with early on in life is "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." But if you're reading this blog, you're not a child and you know that sometimes it can be a greater disservice to someone to hold your tongue than to speak a harsh truth. Phrases that once gave the world clear blacks and whites have little significance in a world made up not only of shades of gray, but wild and unpredictable flashes of color. In this world, the black and whites are the accepted laws and extremes that govern us. Shades of gray are the subtle and slight variations and exceptions to those laws. The bouts of color represent the beliefs of man and their will to follow through with them. Like colors, we are all different, though some of us are more similar to one another. To disregard the subtle variances and say what you will is the surest way to incite anger, jealousy, and every other undesirable characteristic imaginable. Words are powerful tools, but they also make deadly weapons. Take great care just which ones you use and how.

Depression - The Green Eyed Beast

All over the world, millions of people suffer from depression. Psychiatrists would define depression as a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason. A good friend showed great trust in me by confiding that she had been struggling with depression for many years and began listing off what she perceived were her shortcomings. As she gave her summation of how she was living a thoroughly unremarkable and entirely unsatisfactory life, I couldn't help but see the similarities of what all she had related to me. Unemployed, not attending school, barely able to attend church regularly, romantically stonewalled, and socially awkward. With each point she named specific examples of who out shined her and in what ways. My ultimate theory, and I told her thus, is that simply put depression is an overactive bout of jealousy. Jealous of the inability to conform and/or stand apart socially, jealous of others abundance of material goods that they take them for granted. Being, at least in my opinion, very similar I would suggest similar methods of conquering depression as one would use to combat jealousy. Take these steps:

• Admit you have a problem, at least to yourself. Denying feelings leads not only to shame and guilt, but also to sadness, helplessness, anxiety, and low self-esteem. The traits depression patients most exhibit.
• Once you have admitted to your worldwide jealousy, start to fight back against it. They say the best revenge is living well and I know that when the chips are down you hate hearing that, but when your enemy is yourself, such a vengeance is mutually beneficial.
• The best way to eliminate jealousy, and by that I mean depression, is to take steps to attain what it is you desire. If even that is beyond you, take solace that you didn't spend time and resources on a fad that can only last so long.

I have always hoped that my little bits of philosophy add a bit of comfort to those who read it, but with this post the message is doubly so. The Declaration of Independence states that all are entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. With that in mind, go live life, enjoy your freedom, and pursue some happiness.

A Cynic, A Pessimist, And A Realist...

Cynicism is, for good reason, almost a taboo belief. Its bottom line is that everyone has ulterior motives for everything they do every day. Ergo humans by nature are untrustworthy. These are the people that believe the waiter intentionally only half filled their glass. Pessimism is when one focuses on all the negative aspects of a given subject, forgetting or denying the positive. These are the "half empty" type. Finally, there is Realism. Realism is, potentially, the coldest of the three. They see the glass just as it is. They know that though it is unlikely that the waiter has a vendetta against them, they allow for it. They see their glass as the first of many potentially glasses of varying volume, because life by nature is consistent only in being inconsistent. There are no miracles, only what can happen will happen. Every day we meet these characters, sometimes when we look in the mirror in the morning. Each is passionate about their belief may often attempt to force them on you. At each encounter, after analyzing the argument you must decide what type of person you are. Pessimist or Optimist? Realist or Idealist? It may surprise you just how inconsistent you may be. An optimist with a run of bad luck may begin to develop pessimistic thoughts of his future. Similarly, an idealist may be forced to come to grips with the reality of his situation or be condemned to be trapped in a dream world. As you trudge through the balmy marshes of everyday life remember this truth: Nobody but you decides how you react to each situation. You are the master of your mind and you are free to change it or not whenever you like.

Chocolate's only Semi Sweet

Shakespeare was the first to use the phrase "too much of a good thing" in literature. It is a phrase that emphasizes that excess can be harmful and that even the richest things in life should be moderated. The world's most popular examples: Money, Power, Love, Authority. The real troubles with having so much of something are that it inspires jealousy and you may not be able to handle it. Politicians are assassinated, the wealthy are manipulated, the passionate scorned, and the authoritative ignored every day since man began. In our quest for more, we pull each other down like crabs in a bucket. It isn't a bad thing to want to improve your quality of life, but when quality becomes quantity people will start to resent you, including yourself. So how does one decide what the limits are for each of us individually? The most elegant way I have heard this philosophy was by Rudyard Kipling in his poem "If." I include a portion of the work here.

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Simply put, you could have all that there is in material possessions, but have some humility because in this world all that we poses can be taken from us. Its the effect you've had on others that will determine whether you lived a worth while life, not the number of things you've accumulated. When the day is over, it won't matter who loved the most, but who loved the best.

Everyday Actors

At the start of ev'ry day,
From the first clear shining ray,
We don the costume that we show the world.

From the way we comb our hair,
To the very clothes we wear,
Care I to see just how your lashes curl?

Like some actors in a show,
Dolling up the best we know,
In hiding from a cruel and unkind time.

When you're asked to give your choice,
Act as though you have no voice,
"You surely cannot in your two cents chime."

Bust'ling back and forth to make,
Masks that all through life we take,
To hide ourselves in plain sight, as it were.

For its what we fear the most,
If while through this life we coast,
That the world tests to see our will is sure.

And when they test your mettle,
Your nitch in life you'll settle,
Perhaps you will be ready then when asked,

To discard your old disguise,
And discover just how wise,
It is to cause yourself to be unmasked.

Pygmalion Re-Formed

When I was just nineteen
A more beautiful girl I'd never seen
Than the one I had created in my mind.

She's chic and understanding,
Sensitive though not withstanding,
The fact that "playing nice" can be unkind.

Like a master artisan,
Carving as carefully as he can,
In hopes his masterpiece should come to life,

I sculpt her flowing hair,
Taking traits from here and there,
To build a mate for liberty and strife.

But through this fantasy,
I damn myself you see,
With expectation that cannot be met.

And so I must myself away,
From my dream girl for to stay,
In the real world where my feet are set.

For My Faithful Readers

It occurs to me that because my blog has few pictures (none of them of babies) and because I have no wife and kids or garden to write about, what I have to write is of no importance. Well, I wrote this blog knowing that it would not be as popular as some, but it still pains me to see that there aren't any new comments to my posts. Perhaps I need to broaden my target audience. Therefore, I will heed the suggestion of my elder sister Nancy and include some of the poetry I have written. I hope those who read this will soon check my blog again for my latest writings and spread the word.

Staring Over a Cliff

Throughout our lives we find ourselves at the edge of many metaphorical cliffs. Whether we look before we leap or not will differ from person to person and each given situation. But there are some cliffs that we come to that will cause even the most reckless person to pause, potentially life changing moments. And when the choice is yours what will you decide? To leap headfirst into the tumultuous sea of consequence or to simply walk on by knowing that you were either too afraid or too wise to jump. Unfortunately, the world has a habit of complicating even the most obvious decisions. You may hesitate on the cliff if you look below and see what seem to be happy, beautiful, people beckoning you to join their gaiety. But after jumping you realize that they and now you are all trapped in a pit to be drowned when the tide comes in. Such decisions are not to be made lightly, but take care not to remain indecisive or the edge may crumble underneath you dumping you unceremoniously into the frothy abyss. At the end of the day, your reward is how you feel about yourself. Will you say, "I looked temptation in the eye and turned away", or will you say, "I was just one sip away from being perfect?"

Aspirations

Every child, as they are growing up, is asked many times "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Answers fall over the spectrum, but the main idea of the question is to get them thinking about their future. Several weeks ago, my father asked me what I wanted to be and it has been something that stayed with me. On my morning walk I pondered the question and had a kind of revelation, an epiphany about what the question really gets one to ask oneself. "What do you think you will be doing when you have reached your full potential?" When I thought about it this way specifically, I give more credence to my past experience's, my life as a whole, and I'll honestly say, I can't answer the question. I don't know myself well enough to be able to speculate what I may become. Do any of us really know ourselves so well that the future holds no surprises for us. The answer is no. Partly because I don't believe one can know their self so that well, but mostly because the world can't help but throw a wrench in the work and in that crucial second, the world you knew is gone. An offshoot of your existence that you will never see again. And if we could, would we want to? Some say ignorance is bliss, but our own future, like it or not, is a subject our mind is naturally inclined to dwell on. In the end, this is how I decided to wrap things up: to some extent, life can be predicted. Not with crystal balls, tea leaves or the stars, but by knowing yourself. But don't have the audacity to believe that you can cheat fate of another end, because like the beating of a butterfly's wing, the smallest action in the world can influence our lives in an infinite number of ways.

The Picture Frame

When my Grandmother passed away, among the things I took for myself were two picture frames. For months I waited to find a picture that I would be proud to display around my room, but what to put in it puzzled me. It occurred to me that each individual person would have different reasons behind their choices and I don't know what kind of person I am. The first factor is what sort of picture is it that you are putting in: Whether it is a person/s, place, or thing. The next factor is "What makes this picture frame-worthy?" Does it remind you of someone, someplace, or something that you are fond of, or is it simply because it is appealing to the eye and matches the decor? Next comes the narrowing down of the available pictures to determine which one or ones will be framed. (Assuming there is a limited amount of frames and wall and ceiling space) It more or less comes down to what images mean the most to you, whether there is any correlation between pictures and other environmental factors. In this fashion, the framing of a picture of a significant other is a personal milestone, because it fills the space that could have been held by a number of other images representing your life. Inversely, the removing and or replacing of such a picture can be equally moving. To this very moment, I still have two empty picture frames, but an inclination of what to fill them with fills my day to day thoughts.

Rethinking Recompense

It is a common enough malady that when two persons have a disagreement of some magnitude, they will stop talking for a great length of time. The parties take advantage of this time to do one of two things: Wait until the other person comes crawling back so that they themselves can determine the terms of the relationship or wait until the other person comes crawling back so that they can pulverize the self esteem and repute of the other person further. When one of them gets too impatient, they go to the second person to try to get the next best options. They either go to swallow their pride or they go to deliver their ultimatum. When both people are stubborn enough to let it go on for some time, it can become unnecessary for a second meeting. The individuals involved move on, forget the offense, or have given up on the second person. It can be trouble though, when a person who has moved on is given an ultimatum. The "blast from the past" can open deep, old wounds. You start to think back over the time that has passed between the ugly past and the now ugly present. Bitterness sets in, and the words that were meant to finalize the matter only manage to make you feel worse. Guilt, jealousy, or anger could be the only fruits of having the last word. I will admit that there are some people really need recompense, people who figuratively spend their whole lives waiting by the phone for that last word. It would seem that the only way to avoid lasting pain and suffering is to not let issues fester, to get all issues out in the open and taken care of immediately. There may still be some pain, it may even seem extreme and unnecessary, but like taking off a band-aid, its better for a short sting than a drawn out pain.

Time: Does it Fly or Crawl by?

Remarking on the passage of time is something that man has been doing since before he was man. Since troglodytes lumbered across ancient plains, history was being made and kept. Though crude and vague their cave drawings give descriptions of their lifestyles and environment. The natives of ancient Choco Canyon spent their whole lives studying and documenting how the heavens changed over time, erecting massive monuments to mirror the cycles of the sun and moon. Through the ages mankind has been compelled to mark and represent every second that ticks by. And it is not a whim, but a divine calling. Without considering the past, one cannot fathom the future. There would be no foresight, no provision. Such an existence would not even be primal, but feral. Gorging and than starving, rather than rationing and surviving. To prevent this self destructive end, we take what we can from the past and use it to make a better future.

The Reality of Resolutions

A tradition of New Years is to make "New Years Resolutions." Weight loss, exercise, and other wise self improvement is the general theme for such things. Its nearing the end of February and the sad reality of the matter is that even now, many people have yet to begin following their personal "Yellow Brick Roads." For example: a mother of four who is no closer to fitting into her high school jeans than she way the day she made her goal to do so. Or a paunchy middle aged man who has aspirations of a triathlon, but has done no more exercise than walking from hole to hole at the golf course. There is a very apt American saying: "The best day to start a diet is tomorrow." What keeps us chained to our unsatisfactory lives? The unwillingness to change, the fear of failure, and the lack of resolve. Resolve is the key part of resolution, so you must first have the courage to climb your personal mountain, before you can expand your horizons.

Death by Monotony.

As of late, I am afraid I have been suffering at the hands of a most heinous foe: Monotony. It is quite a cliche to say that one is "dying of boredom", but until recently I have not had adequate respect for the idea. Being jobless, penniless, and stuck in the suburbs I feel that my life wouldn't even qualify for the seediest of sitcoms. On account that I don't get into nearly enough mischief. Without inspiration for literary endeavors nor capitol for adventures, I often find myself pacing about my chateau. Of course there are more productive activities I could put into practice, but because of my as yet youthful spirit I scorn such things unless indisputably ordered to do said tasks. It occurs to me that those who may be reading this article may indeed be suffering in a comparable manner so to these, I empathize with utmost sincerity. I would like to add as a parting request, that all those who do read this please post an activity that they partake in when at the end of their creative rope, as it were.

The Seed of Ambition

Through the course of history, ambition has taken many forms. Greed, Manifest Destiny, even the "American Dream" to some extent. Often times, though, ambition can be the heart of disharmony. In your climb to reach the top, you may drag others down. Was this not the case in all of the crusades and the exploration of the "New World?" Or in corporations when workers resort to back-stabbing and brown-nosing? Is it right that others should have to fall for us to rise? President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, once said that for us as a people to triumph, we must stand together and lift where we stand. That through unity, we may best further ourselves and our cause. This day, for the first time in the history of our great nation, an African American has been elected to the office of President of the United States of America. I imagine that at the start of his campaign, President Obama felt that perhaps he was being too ambitious, that our day was not the day, nor our time the time for such a revolutionary idea. But the people have spoken that this is the day and time for a man of this caliber. And with this decision they have high hopes for their future. I make no claim that I know what may happen over the next four to eight years, but I do hold firm in the belief that a strong will to overcome and rise is always in the public interest. Even if it only serves to inspire others to take a stand themselves.

Making Time To Be Patient

Its a fact of life that even the most thought-out plans may have unforeseen complications. You strive to prepare as well as possible, but despite your sincerest efforts you are foiled. Often times, the "wrench in the works" is something that, though trivial it may be, remains an insurmountable barrier. For instance, the chief resource of transportation for the evening is rendered unusable due to the fact that it was already being utilized by a co-inhabitant of one's abode. The lack of communication regarding the aforementioned fact results in raised tempers and frigid fingers and toes. The whole affair could have been avoided by planning further ahead and cooperation between the individuals involved. I point I wish to make is thus: Plan ahead, people aren't perfect. Do as much as you can yourself, allowing for your own error and those of others. When things do happen to go wrong, losing your composure is the least helpful thing to do. When you get emotional, everyone else does too. Take a deep breath and decide what to do next. When you have resolved the issue, hold no malice for those who contributed to it. You are as imperfect as they. The whole experience will help everyone make the wiser decision in the future.