Anger: Stage 2

Following close behind Denial, we have Anger.It occurs when when the deflecting barrier of Denial and Isolation wears out and the first bits of reality begin to permeate soul and body. In a frantic effort to expel the invading truth we vent. Yelling, pacing, and perhaps even violent behavior can be expected. This torrent of anger may be directed at almost anything, animate or inanimate whether it is the offending element or not. In the case of loosing a loved one, you may even direct your anger at the one you are losing or have lost. As time passes you know and remember that you love them, but you blame them for being weak, perhaps even going as far as to wish that you had never known them so you wouldn't have to suffer so. Knowing that what or who you are focusing your anger on is blameless only makes you more angry. The only way to get past this stage is to let it out. Try to vent your anger in the least destructive way possible. Screaming into a pillow and then punching it a few times is a personal favorite of mine. It sure beats letting it fester inside you and destroy your appearance and mood. After you have expunged the anger from yourself, feel free to lay on your bed and stare up at the ceiling and move on to the next step. The most important thing to remember is not to repress your anger, you just need a constructive outlet. Or at least one that will not be overly destructive.

Denial: Not a River in Egypt

Stage 1 of the 5 stages in dealing with grief or loss. Ironically, many if not most people in this stage are in denial of the fact that they are. Funny how out of reflex, when we are faced with a problem, we first pretend that it doesn't exist or that it will simply go away. I know that I did when I found out about a tragedy that would inevitably befall my family. I didn't believe it, ignored it, attempted to outsmart it, but there was no beating it. Life would play out like it was meant to and there was no way I could change it. All that being said, I know it doesn't sound like the way to go, but in all likely hood you'll end up there anyway. Just be sure that when you do, that you get a move on quick, because ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. Things will only get worse during your time in dream land.

How To Lose Friends And Alienate People

A phrase the children are indoctrinated with early on in life is "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." But if you're reading this blog, you're not a child and you know that sometimes it can be a greater disservice to someone to hold your tongue than to speak a harsh truth. Phrases that once gave the world clear blacks and whites have little significance in a world made up not only of shades of gray, but wild and unpredictable flashes of color. In this world, the black and whites are the accepted laws and extremes that govern us. Shades of gray are the subtle and slight variations and exceptions to those laws. The bouts of color represent the beliefs of man and their will to follow through with them. Like colors, we are all different, though some of us are more similar to one another. To disregard the subtle variances and say what you will is the surest way to incite anger, jealousy, and every other undesirable characteristic imaginable. Words are powerful tools, but they also make deadly weapons. Take great care just which ones you use and how.

Depression - The Green Eyed Beast

All over the world, millions of people suffer from depression. Psychiatrists would define depression as a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason. A good friend showed great trust in me by confiding that she had been struggling with depression for many years and began listing off what she perceived were her shortcomings. As she gave her summation of how she was living a thoroughly unremarkable and entirely unsatisfactory life, I couldn't help but see the similarities of what all she had related to me. Unemployed, not attending school, barely able to attend church regularly, romantically stonewalled, and socially awkward. With each point she named specific examples of who out shined her and in what ways. My ultimate theory, and I told her thus, is that simply put depression is an overactive bout of jealousy. Jealous of the inability to conform and/or stand apart socially, jealous of others abundance of material goods that they take them for granted. Being, at least in my opinion, very similar I would suggest similar methods of conquering depression as one would use to combat jealousy. Take these steps:

• Admit you have a problem, at least to yourself. Denying feelings leads not only to shame and guilt, but also to sadness, helplessness, anxiety, and low self-esteem. The traits depression patients most exhibit.
• Once you have admitted to your worldwide jealousy, start to fight back against it. They say the best revenge is living well and I know that when the chips are down you hate hearing that, but when your enemy is yourself, such a vengeance is mutually beneficial.
• The best way to eliminate jealousy, and by that I mean depression, is to take steps to attain what it is you desire. If even that is beyond you, take solace that you didn't spend time and resources on a fad that can only last so long.

I have always hoped that my little bits of philosophy add a bit of comfort to those who read it, but with this post the message is doubly so. The Declaration of Independence states that all are entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. With that in mind, go live life, enjoy your freedom, and pursue some happiness.

A Cynic, A Pessimist, And A Realist...

Cynicism is, for good reason, almost a taboo belief. Its bottom line is that everyone has ulterior motives for everything they do every day. Ergo humans by nature are untrustworthy. These are the people that believe the waiter intentionally only half filled their glass. Pessimism is when one focuses on all the negative aspects of a given subject, forgetting or denying the positive. These are the "half empty" type. Finally, there is Realism. Realism is, potentially, the coldest of the three. They see the glass just as it is. They know that though it is unlikely that the waiter has a vendetta against them, they allow for it. They see their glass as the first of many potentially glasses of varying volume, because life by nature is consistent only in being inconsistent. There are no miracles, only what can happen will happen. Every day we meet these characters, sometimes when we look in the mirror in the morning. Each is passionate about their belief may often attempt to force them on you. At each encounter, after analyzing the argument you must decide what type of person you are. Pessimist or Optimist? Realist or Idealist? It may surprise you just how inconsistent you may be. An optimist with a run of bad luck may begin to develop pessimistic thoughts of his future. Similarly, an idealist may be forced to come to grips with the reality of his situation or be condemned to be trapped in a dream world. As you trudge through the balmy marshes of everyday life remember this truth: Nobody but you decides how you react to each situation. You are the master of your mind and you are free to change it or not whenever you like.

Chocolate's only Semi Sweet

Shakespeare was the first to use the phrase "too much of a good thing" in literature. It is a phrase that emphasizes that excess can be harmful and that even the richest things in life should be moderated. The world's most popular examples: Money, Power, Love, Authority. The real troubles with having so much of something are that it inspires jealousy and you may not be able to handle it. Politicians are assassinated, the wealthy are manipulated, the passionate scorned, and the authoritative ignored every day since man began. In our quest for more, we pull each other down like crabs in a bucket. It isn't a bad thing to want to improve your quality of life, but when quality becomes quantity people will start to resent you, including yourself. So how does one decide what the limits are for each of us individually? The most elegant way I have heard this philosophy was by Rudyard Kipling in his poem "If." I include a portion of the work here.

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Simply put, you could have all that there is in material possessions, but have some humility because in this world all that we poses can be taken from us. Its the effect you've had on others that will determine whether you lived a worth while life, not the number of things you've accumulated. When the day is over, it won't matter who loved the most, but who loved the best.

Everyday Actors

At the start of ev'ry day,
From the first clear shining ray,
We don the costume that we show the world.

From the way we comb our hair,
To the very clothes we wear,
Care I to see just how your lashes curl?

Like some actors in a show,
Dolling up the best we know,
In hiding from a cruel and unkind time.

When you're asked to give your choice,
Act as though you have no voice,
"You surely cannot in your two cents chime."

Bust'ling back and forth to make,
Masks that all through life we take,
To hide ourselves in plain sight, as it were.

For its what we fear the most,
If while through this life we coast,
That the world tests to see our will is sure.

And when they test your mettle,
Your nitch in life you'll settle,
Perhaps you will be ready then when asked,

To discard your old disguise,
And discover just how wise,
It is to cause yourself to be unmasked.