Acceptance: Stage 5

After suffering through the previous four stages I am at last at the end. Having come to grips with mans mortality, I've decided that it is time to accept things as they are and not assign undue blame to anyone. The Lord gives and takes and who are we to question when and how? My brother told me that everything evens out through death, that eventually everything will make sense. I guess I'm only just beginning to understand what my purpose is, and I will likely not fully understand until I have crossed the veil and enter eternity. When you read this post, think about a loved one that you lost, and you may find that the reason you no longer grieve their loss is because you discovered that they aren't really lost. They really have been found.

Depression : Stage 4

I didn't think I would really suffer through this stage, and if I hadn't had 3 vaccinations the day before I might still be stuck on stage 3. From having two flu vaccines and a tetness shot I woke up this morning shaky, nauseous, sore, and with a splitting headache. As I lay in my bed, shivering despite more than adequate insulation, my mouth hanging open, I realized just how similar my plight was to that of my fathers. Except that I knew I would get better, and I still have my mind. He has neither. I lay there thinking about how he must be feeling, perhaps only down in the very core of his being, and I was moved with empathy. And with my empathy came the bitter taste of depression at acknowledging my fathers mortality. In the case of depression, the best way to get through it is to have a rock, an anchor. Be it a person or an ideal, you need to have a sturdy element with which to whether the storm. Stay tuned my faithful readers for the eventual conclusion to this 5 part series.

Denial: Not a River in Egypt

Stage 1 of the 5 stages in dealing with grief or loss. Ironically, many if not most people in this stage are in denial of the fact that they are. Funny how out of reflex, when we are faced with a problem, we first pretend that it doesn't exist or that it will simply go away. I know that I did when I found out about a tragedy that would inevitably befall my family. I didn't believe it, ignored it, attempted to outsmart it, but there was no beating it. Life would play out like it was meant to and there was no way I could change it. All that being said, I know it doesn't sound like the way to go, but in all likely hood you'll end up there anyway. Just be sure that when you do, that you get a move on quick, because ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. Things will only get worse during your time in dream land.

The Picture Frame

When my Grandmother passed away, among the things I took for myself were two picture frames. For months I waited to find a picture that I would be proud to display around my room, but what to put in it puzzled me. It occurred to me that each individual person would have different reasons behind their choices and I don't know what kind of person I am. The first factor is what sort of picture is it that you are putting in: Whether it is a person/s, place, or thing. The next factor is "What makes this picture frame-worthy?" Does it remind you of someone, someplace, or something that you are fond of, or is it simply because it is appealing to the eye and matches the decor? Next comes the narrowing down of the available pictures to determine which one or ones will be framed. (Assuming there is a limited amount of frames and wall and ceiling space) It more or less comes down to what images mean the most to you, whether there is any correlation between pictures and other environmental factors. In this fashion, the framing of a picture of a significant other is a personal milestone, because it fills the space that could have been held by a number of other images representing your life. Inversely, the removing and or replacing of such a picture can be equally moving. To this very moment, I still have two empty picture frames, but an inclination of what to fill them with fills my day to day thoughts.

Life Comes at You Fast

Today, I was driving to school listening to Akon on 103.9 FM. I was stopped at a light when a truck rear-ended me. Frustrated, I pulled over and the other driver did the same. We traded information and went on our way. When I returned to my humble abode after an otherwise uneventful day, I found a bit of mail for me. Jury duty. I look back at when I was registering to vote and wonder if I should have. McCain didn't win the election and now I may have to serve my country in one of the most boring ways. Is there a particular reason why Miss Fortune smiles on some, but grinds her heels into others? I was discussing the idea of Karma ( Why are they always women names?) with a close friend and determined that Karma (like many women) is far from even tempered. There are the days when you find a dirty twenty dollar bill in the gutter, and then there are the days when you can't seem to avoid getting killed. If there is a way to please you Miss Fortune, please call me. You know the number.